(Disclaimer: I am not making fun of the tragedy of the Russian airliner that crashed in the Sinai desert. I also don’t really believe this bundle of bushwa I’m about to drop. But I think it’s a fun exploration of the lunacy behind conspiracy theories.)
A representative of the Russian airline, Metrojet, has stated the crash of the Airbus A321 in the Sinai desert had to be caused by “outside influences”, i.e. not due to faults with the plane or crew. But that suggests a shoot-down. In light of the theories springing up from the dual Malaysian losses of MH17 and MH370, what is the most unlikely cause for this incident?
Schwinn did it.
Here’s how it goes. Many Syrian refugees have found a “back door” into Europe, via a small border crossing between Norway and Russia way, WAY up north. The trick is, the Norwegian laws forbid walking across, so the refugees have to buy bicycles. Once across the border, the Norwegians crush the bikes. (Whimper!) So … Schwinn arranged to supply missiles to IS that could reach the altitude the Metrojet flight was at. This will cause Russia to get pissier than usual, and move more troops to southern climes around the Middle East. This will decrease the number of border guards available in the North, allowing the refugees an easier passing to the border crossing in the far North, requiring a larger supply of expendable bicycles, thus giving Schwinn a huge windfall selling bikes to the people smugglers who sell them to the refugees. Advantage: Schwinn!
Now, for my next trick, I’ll explain why gas prices go up the MOMENT the price of crude oil rises, but remains high when crude prices drop. Stay tuned – I’ll need a faster connection to shovel such a copious load of crap. 😀