An Open Letter Of Apology.

To the members of England’s World Cup team, the fans of said team, lovers of football around the world (soccer to us heathens here in the States), and to lovers of sports everywhere:

I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I am a jonah, a jinx, an albatross around the neck of England’s poor team. (And yes, I have no bloody flavour, I’m a bloomin’ sea bird.) I caused your squad to lose not one, but both of it’s first two games. I did it, and I’m sorry.

I should’ve known better. While not a truly avid fan of sports (except those involving cars), I have dabbled in rooting for various NFL Franchises (including my hometown Bears), and have followed those Doormats of the National League (the Cubs, to those unfamiliar with Steve Goodman’s anthem) on a hit-and-miss basis. (Mostly “miss” for the Cubbies, at least since 1945.) Whenever I would start following a team more closely, they would inevitably start to lose – badly. Whenever I would let my attention drift, they would just as inevitably start to win. Had I born in mind my abilities to destroy a team’s possibilities, I would never have written my post “That Time Again, or Will Three Lions Roar?”. I would, instead, simply pointed my readers to the outstanding BBC-sponsored poem ad accompanying video. But no, I had to pay attention to the poor English squad. And now they’re out of the World Cup for 2014.

So once again, to all those of you who had hopes, money, or both backing England’s chances, it’s all my fault they lost. Don’t blame them, save your slings and arrows for me. (But no financial suits – my fortune is NOT outrageous, it is non-existent!) I did it, and I am sorry.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to see if there are any OSU sports upcoming. 😉

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5 Responses to An Open Letter Of Apology.

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    This is want happens when a non-sports fan enters the fray.

  2. fasab says:

    Whilst I would thankfully watch you throw yourself on a live grenade if we were in the same room together and thereafter praise your courage and sacrifice far and wide, on this occasion I cannot allow you to take the blame for the debacles that were England’s performances against Italy and Uruguay. They were rubbish. Reminiscent of the Denver Broncos Super Bowl appearance earlier this year. Best for everyone that they were put out of their misery.

  3. Archon's Den says:

    Well Jonah, that was a whale of an apology. 😀

  4. benzeknees says:

    That’s usually my job, John! How’s wifey?

  5. Archon's Den says:

    I claimed you comment on my site, and put in a link back here, so don’t be surprised if you see a few strangers slouching through. Shall I come back and make tea for visitors? Hope you’re well enough to receive.

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