Or, Why I Say “Nuts” For Several Reasons
Me – on a good day!
Welcome to December 22nd. The day on which I stand proudly in front of the world and proclaim “Nuts!” for several reasons.
1) Because I am, completely, certifiably, and irrevocably crazy. But that’s every day. 
2) Because 68 years ago, General Anthony McAuliffe of the 101st Airborne answered a German request for the surrender of his troops in the Belgian town of Bastogne with that exact phrase.
Well, sort of. When he was first handed the request for surrender from the German envoy, he exclaimed “Nuts!” in frustration. He then debated for a bit on what answer to send, and when he admitted he was stymied, a junior officer said “Well, sir, I don’t think you can beat what you first said.” He asked what he had said, grinned when he was reminded, and wrote the answer on the sheet of paper that the German commander had sent him. When the note was returned to the envoy, the Germans at first did not understand what “nuts” meant. It was described that it meant the same as “go to Hell”, which the Germans DID understand.
3) Because the dang Mayans were wrong. Okay, it wasn’t really their fault, it was a bunch of idiots who interpreted the end of a calendar cycle as the End Of The World. Best comparison I found: “Does the world end every December 31st when your calendar does? Heck no – and the Mayans didn’t say it did.” Still and all, with that wonderful movie “2012″, I really did want to see California drop into the ocean. Nothing against California or Californians – I love both. But c’mon, wouldn’t have that TRULY been epic? 
4) And finally, and because those Mayans (or whoever) were wrong, and because the sun
Holy #%@*! I’m 50!
DID come up this morning (even if I couldn’t see it), because I turned 50. Yeah, I’m in my fifties. Over the hill, on the downward slope. With less time on this planet than I’ve lived here – unless I’m REALLY lucky.
So if you know anyone else born on this day, walk up to them, grip their hand, look straight in their eyes, and tell them in a clear, loud voice:
“I’m so sorry!”
Then just walk away. My little birthday present to everybody. Hey, I’ve got 50 years of being warped to live up to!
A Windy City boy, lost in rural Ohio, just shooting the breeze.
Happy Birthday John! You’re still just a baby! Hope you have a great day!
Thanks! Not doing too badly so far – had to do a quick run this morning to retrieve some dogs for rescue. Now I’m wading though this truly amazing outpouring!
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I’m sorry John.
About the Mayans? Ah – it was just marketing. Turning 50? Inevitable. You folk busting my chops in a multitude of blog posts? Amazing! Thank you! (Hmm – do you say “Thank you” to an “I’m sorry”? Aw, what they hey – thanks!
)
Hi John….thought I’d stop by after reading it was your BD on Doggy’s Style…..Fifty is a breeze compared to 60…..and Sixty is a breeze compared to 65. Trust me. However, they’re ALL as good as we make them so enjoy yourself…..I mean REALLY.
Pam
Thanks! It’s been fun so far, and I haven’t even gotten to all the blogs singing my praises! Hm .. might need to get my hats resized.
And welcome to you!
Welcome to the 50+ nuts club.
Good to see you’re part of the remnant.
Wellll …. TECHNICALLY, it’s welcome to the 50+ club. I helped found the Nuts club!
And thanks!
I’m sorry John but really Happy Birthday!! I hope you have a fabulous day– nuts and all
It’s definitely getting better as the day goes by. I can’t wait to see what surprises are lurking for me out there in blogland! Thanks for stopping by and wishing me a Happy Birthday!
Welcome John to the 50s club … and Nuts is a very fitting theme for the day! Happy birthday!!!
I was going to do a post on the start of the Battle of the Bulge back on the 16th, but the Padre did such a great one, I thought I’d wait and do something closer to Christmas. And then the whole tie-in between my day and the infamous “nuts!” comment just seemed too good to pass up!
Thank you much, sir. I’ll be over in a bit – still working through a rather full Inbox!
John,
Elyse and Frank tell me it’s your bday, and as these are great peeps, I had to drop by and wish you a very old happy 50th birthday! Enjoy your day.
Le Clown
Well, this is indeed an honour! The man, rumoured in song and story, Le Clown! Thank you VERY much, sir, and a very hearty welcome!
Happy Birthday, you ancient wreck. Do something naked today. Just don’t show me.
I’m next in line to comment — how can I possibly beat what you just said, Brain? Ah, Nuts.
Yeah, ‘Rants is pretty Nuts, but we love him anyway!
“Don’t show you”? I can’t have FedEx stop the shipment! Jeez, and I worked so HARD to get all that on the DVD! I even did “behind the scenes”!
Thank you, SIR! Working my way over – though I did take a sneak peek. I owe you – and I WILL pay you back…… (cue ominous music) 
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Happy Birthday, John. Sometimes we old guys get the upper hand.
Ah, Uncle Miltie vs. Statler and Waldorf! Great stuff, and a great present. Thank you!
Happy Birthday John! Anyone recommended by Frank, Guapo, and FASAB has got to be good. (Maybe!
I’ll take my chances.) Hope you have a great day, something tells me you will!
Well … sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m bad, and sometimes …. well, medical science is still struggling with THAT one!
Thank you very much – I gotta admit, that is some high-power talent recommending me. I will do my best not to disappoint!
Thanks again, and welcome!
Have a happy birthday, John! The fifties aren’t bad at all, enjoy them!
Well, if all else fails, they beat the HECK outta the alternative!
Thanks!
Happy Birthday Buddy!
http://redriverpak.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/happy-birthday-no-hio/
Thanks! I’ll be over by ya soon – furnace fillings notwithstanding!
No, not even one Birthday Stone shall remained unturned in this apostriphic, episodic, epistolaric, appropriotic, yet celebatory apocryphaistic Birthday event for the honourable
Sir John.
I’m done….
Wow! I think ya lost me around that 3rd .. um … oh, heck – thank you! What a great greeting – now I just have to go look up all those words. Remind me never to play Scrabble with YOU!
Thanks much, and welcome!
I wish you and your nuts a very happy birthday! Mayans ain’t got nuthin on you!
Hmm … I’ve been looking at your comment for a bit here, and I’ve realised there is NOTHING I can possibly say that won’t get me into trouble. Except – thank you!
Happy Birthday to you and your nuts!
From,
A Crazy Chick
Thank you, for the wish and for stopping by! And I just so happen to LOVE crazy chicks – the more, the better! Glad to have you aboard!
I founded the club on my blog … so I’m glad you like “us”
Happy Birthday, John! And welcome to the 50 and over club. It’s not that bad. 50 is the new 90 or 90 is the new 50. I’m not sure exactly how that works and I blew past 50 years ago so it’s all good.
Thanks, Sandy! I think it works both ways – some days, I feel like 50, some days I feel like 90! But every day above ground’s a good one, right?
Thanks for stopping by!
Happy Birthday, J.E. – the second best thing to come out of 1963 right behind the Chevy Impala that came with the 409 motor and Z11 option package; featuring the awesome two-piece aluminum intake manifold sporting dual quads and an output rated at 430 horsepower. But unlike the seven or so ’63 Impalas still known to be in existence you, J.E., are one of a kind.
Well, thank you! And thanks for stopping by! (Um … I don’t want to sound like a real jerk here, but um … well … I’m a 1962 model, not a ’63. But I appreciate the thought!
)
Damn my math. But wait! That’s even better! Because that was the year the British Motor Corporation introduced the MGB, which was my very first car! It even had the two six volt batteries with the twelve volt conversion kit. Man I loved that car…
Anyway, happy birthday, JE! May you have fifty more years of health, happiness, and driving!
Hey, I used to program computers, and my math OFTEN fails! MGB, huh? Did the wipers turn on when you shut off the radio, or did the headlights go off when you turned on the wipers?
But again, thanks for the great wishes!
Tough luck there, John, but Happy Birthday!!! I’ve also done a special birthday post for you here:
http://fearnoweebles.wordpress.com/2012/12/22/aviation-birthday-greeting/ ‎
Well, thank you very kindly! I’ll be off to the blogs shortly, after a few more comments to approve. See ya!
Hey everybody, just wanted to drop in quick. I AM alive, despite any reports to the contrary. We had an emergency dog rescue run to do, so I’m running a bit behind right now. I WILL get to all your comments, and all your blogs – it’s just gonna take me a bit of time.
), and you have all served to make my birthday VERY special. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 
In the meantime, THANK YOU! Thanks to all you who have stopped by, thanks to all who have left comments, and especially, thanks to those of you who expended your valuable time and bandwidth to create entries for me on your own blogs. I am truly touched (not THAT way, ‘Rants!
HEY! Who’s this jerk in the hat tryin’ ta horn in on my blog? Throw this bum out! I oughtta ……. oh …. um … never mind.
Hi,
I was reading about your Birthday on Guapola and thought I would drop by and wish you a very Happy Birthday.
Well, thank you VERY much for dropping by! I’m working my way on over to El Guapo’s place, so I hope to see you soon!
Archon’s a little late, but, as long as it’s not The Late Archon, there’s still time for me to add yet another well-deserved Happy Birthday wish. Way to go, Kid!
Thanks much ….. GRANPA! (Jumps into freshly-dug foxhole.)
Happy birthday!!! Big hugs from here in Cali!
Thanks! And still lovin’ that … self-portrait?
Hi John, it’s Granma. Just dropping a comment to wish you a Happy Birthday.
(psst. Hey Granma, look over at Archon. Has he put down the shotgun yet?
Thank you much, ma’am! 
His doesn’t have a shotgun, I took it away from him for my own personal health
. However, he does have access to my son’s hand made “katana-type” sword. 
a-HA! So it’s a duel he be lookin’ fer. Well, I’ll just have ta get me cutlass out an’ board his barnacly backside!
)
(Dang – that “Misfit Pirates” movie really grows on a guy!
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Happy Birthday John. As I said at Franks, You would fit right in with my family
Thank you much, Larry. If I can ever chisel my way outta my inbox, I’ll come over and make YOUR life interesting!
Well at least you were born in a very good year.
And on a VERY good day! After all, how can you beat sharing your birthday with an eloquent General AND the Bee Gees?
(Kinda sums my life up – throw in somebody from “Star Trek”, and you’ve got the trifecta! 
)
Happy Birthday John for yesterday.
Thank you for the birthday wish, Debra, and thanks for stopping by!
You’d be a bit more careful about throwing your nuts around if it was as cold there as it is here.
Happy Birthday!
Hey, Guapo! Thanks for everything. It’s pretty nippy here, though we’re supposed to be REALLY cold toward the end of the week. But don’t worry, I’ll make sure all my nuts are nice and toasty!
Happy Birthday! Congratulations on this milestone – Fifty! Now is the time to make your mark on the world – explore the Antarctic or become an astronaut. Make your mind up to take on exciting new challenges – straight after your afternoon nap. (Unknown)
Make my mark on the world, you say? Does being the most wide-spread and obnoxious blog commenter count? (If not, I better get moving – right after my daily blog tour.)
Thanks for the birthday wish, and welcome!
Happy Birthday, John.
Hope you had a great day!
It was a VERY awesome day, seeing all the posts in my honour. Now I just have to live up to all the hype!
Thank you much, and welcome to my little corner of the Net!
John
You told Jamie, Maryland @ Milwaukee in Niles. I can’t get Mapquest to make them meet, or cross. Do I have to speak firmly to the map site, or are you misremembering your childhood home? Maryland is shown as a large cul-de-sac, almost as close to the beach as my home was. It meets E. Bowen Dr. Milwaukee is a mile west. Still got a sugar hangover from all the birthday cake yesterday? You can be a son, but none of this Granpa shit!
Um … Niles, ILLINOIS. 60648. Look for “Golf-Mil Shopping Center”. It’s at the intersection of Golf Road (Illinois 58?) and Milwaukee Road (it runs on an NW-SE angle). Go to the southeast corner of the mall – it used to be movie theatres, with a restaurant across the street. That street should be Maryland. Go east to the corner of Maryland and Milwaukee. Holsum in on your right, and just beyond it is a high-rise, around 10 stories. It’s an old-folks home, or was. The NE corner of Maryland/Milwaukee used to be a car dealer (Ford, I think), but I believe Bradford Exchange has that lot now (they of the cheap tacky collectibles). Go east on Maryland, 2nd street on your left is Loras Lane (no, I’m not making that up). Turn left (can’t turn right), first house on your left facing Loras is 9254. Look for the frot door, on the single level (it looks like a tri, but is actually an offset two-story). I jumped off that porch trying to hit the grass, and nailed the concrete instead. I have a little smile above my eyebrows, dead center, that is the scar.
(Seriously, that was my home from age 1 until the summer before 5th grade.)
Terrified yet?
Good grief! Which way did you jump? I missed the original post/comment…
~ Toward the street (probably 15 feet – what WERE you thinking!? Oh, grade school logic: “I’m SOUper-mannn–”-splat!… (And also probably just the depth of the steps plus the landing, before they repaved the driveway, eh?)
~ Or to the side, in which case, How *on Earth* did you miss the grass??
Had my back to the front door. Was aiming for the grass and fell short. No idea why – I was always doing silly things that got me hurt. Our family had a tradition of “first day of school” photos of my sister and me on those stairs. There is not ONE year that we didn’t both bear bruises, bandages, and/or stitches. Thank GOD that DCFS was less paranoid in that day!
Not sure if I told the significance of this on my site or elsewhere, but this was about 6 weeks after my sis was pulling me in our (all steel) little red wagon, and the wagon tipped on a corner, smashing my finger between it and the concrete. No breaks, but I needed stitches. We’re standing there in the ER, my mom starting to wig out, when one of the nurses looks at me and says “You look familiar. Have you been here before?” Whereupon I hold up my still-healing finger and loudly proclaim “Yeah! I hurt my fingew!”. (Hey, cut me some slack, I was like all of 5 or 6!) Yep, stopped crying before we hit the hospital, never passed out. I’m a tough old SOB – never broken a single bone, but the map of scars on the back of my hands looks like the Bible translated into Klingon!
Turn right at rock that looks like bear. Turn left at bear that looks like rock…
Um .. maybe it’s the fact it’s after my bedtime, but I think I’m lost….
Hope you had a Most Wonderful Birthday, John!
It was most wondrous, indeed, milady! Indeed, among many other virtual gift, I was knighted! (Now all we need to do is get my father canonised, so that I can be a son of a gun!
)
Who just knighted you? And why’d it take so long??
‘Twas our Lady of Blogdom, Her Majesty Queen Elyse of the 54.5th Realm. And a nobler lady never walked this earth e’er before or after. (Sorry, that’s all part of the payback policy. Knight work doesn’t pay well.)
And wear a dress in public without getting any attitude.
Well, not a dress, but a skirt, and I actually got a couple wolf whistles! (Does that count for extra credit?)
WooHoo!
(As close to a wold whistle as I can spell)
Close enough, Karen. Thanks!
Hey, my Day jobs never paid well, either… oh, um, never mind. John, Guapo sent me here and so glad he did. Hope your birthday rocked. Here in Madison, WI, there was a totally hedonistic End of The World concert: Rock band vs. Funk band, everyone dressed with more glitter than a Bowie concert. The Goddess had to decide if, by their music, humankind was worth saving. Boy, are we lucky we fooled her!! Amy
Oh, Madison! You guys have some great used book stores there, and a kick-butt military surplus store! (Well, until it moved about … 12? 13 years ago?) If I recall correctly, you also have that neat Wisconsin Military museum with the life-size diorama of the Civil War Battle of the Cornfield!
Dang it all, I miss being in the Chicago area! But I’ll get back, one way or the other!
Thanks for stopping by, and a big “howdy” from a FIB to a cheesehead!
Happy birthday!
Thank you much, sir, and welcome!
Thanks for the directions John. Gotta go back to the map now and see if I can work that one out.
I’ll make you a deal, Archon. Get a visual on the house, then wander back and go north on Milwaukee, then turn east on Golf down to the 2nd light (I think). Look at all that, then I’ll give you a travelogue of what that looked like back in the late 60s. A LOT has changed!
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I’m really glad California didn’t drop into the ocean – cause I’d be practicing staying afloat right now :p
Well, you had 3 things going for you:
)
)
1) The Mayan “Apocalypse” was a bunch of hooey, so it wasn’t likely to happen;
2) I know the plate tectonics for the area, and you wouldn’t “fall into the ocean”. You might take a LONG time to become a suburb of Vancouver, but no dropping into.
3) I have too many friends in Cal, so I wouldn’t permit it to happen. (Yeah, that one is DEFINITELY the weakest!
But c’mon – from an outsider’s point of view, ya GOTTA see the “awesomeness”! (Even if the effects in “2012″ were … well …. “meh”.
Ha! Well, I can’t wait to be a suburb of Vancouver – that’d be pretty fun! And computer effects are always the best. That’s why the new three Star Wars were so much better than the old three… *she said extremely sarcastically!*
(well, only sarcasm to the Star Wars bit, I do like Vancouver!)
You better be careful with supporting Star Wars 1-3, even sarcastically. Entire wars have been started for FAR less blasphemous comments! (Don’t believe me? Google “Central American Football War”. Yes – two Central American countries fought a war over a FOOTBALL match!
)
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